Promise
by ishkaqwiaidurugnul
Summary: Tauriel spent a blissful era with Kili, but the consequences for loving a mortal are graver than she ever dreamed. She must either find somewhere to place her hope, or die of a broken heart. She must either fall, or fly.
1. Sundering

**AN: I'm not exactly sure about my plans for this fic yet. It's meant to be a speculative fic based on a BOTFA AU. Arwen dealt with the same problem, but how would Tauriel cope? Is there anything she can do? Is there any hope left?**

For nine score years, Tauriel and Kili walked side by side along the starlit path they had created. For nine score years, they had raised a family and their love for each other had only grown. For nine score years, Tauriel's smooth face remained unchanged by time, though Kili's beard grew long and gray and his face was marked by the passing years. Though he had always been a hale warrior and a strong, active dwarf, his strength inevitably began to fail. Tauriel had seen it coming. She always had. That didn't make it any easier when he called her to his bedside one winter day for the last farewell.

He reached out a wrinkled hand and touched Tauriel's face, whispering, "Amralime…" Tauriel shut her eyes and felt tears spilling out from underneath her closed lids. "Always walk in starlight," he told her, "even when I am gone. Do not despair. You were gifted at birth with the everlasting life of the Eldar, and I would have you spend your days joyfully remembering the brief era we were allowed to spend together."

Throat tight, Tauriel managed to gasp out, "But how can I be happy without you?"

Kili smiled. "I go to my fathers, in the Halls of Mahal. Someday you will cross the Sundering Sea to be with your people. But by the grace of your god and of mine, we will be together again someday. I promise it."

"How can I be sure?"

Kili reached out a closed fist, trembling and spotted with age. He pressed an old and familiar object into Tauriel's hand. "Keep it as a promise," he said. "We will be together again."

Tauriel wept.

Kili's breathing was shallower now; the end was near. Still he simply looked upon her face, but his expression was joyful. "How beautiful you are," he whispered. "Even after all these years, I still find it hard to believe that an angel like you could love me."

She kissed his hand. "My darling," she replied, "how could I not love you?"

Kili smiled and exhaled, slowly. It was his final breath.


	2. Wondering

**AN: Second chapter! Like I said, I'm not ****_exactly_**** sure where this is headed yet, but I just wanted to further explore interracial relationships in Middle Earth, and I wanted to delve deeper in Tauriel's character and explore various cultures' beliefs about the afterlife. Read and review! Thank you everyone! :)**

While Kili's body was not quite yet cool, and the last weak rays of the sun were fading from the sky, Fili, King under the Mountain, came to Tauriel. Upon entering the room, he took note of her face and said, "He is already gone."

"Yes, my lord. I am sorry you were not called earlier, Fili." Tauriel spoke gravely, and lifted her tearstained face to look at him.

Fili, old and frail, hobbled over to the bedside of his younger brother whom he had now outlived. "Farewell, my brother," he whispered. "May we meet again soon in the Halls of Waiting."

Then he looked up to Tauriel, and asked gently, "My lady, what will you now do?" and her face crumpled, and Fili held her as she wept.

"Was this how it felt," she said tearfully, "when you lost Sigrid?"

Fili released her from his embrace, and she could see the pain in his eyes remembering scores of years ago when he had lived happily with his wife, a daughter of Men. He nodded slowly. "It felt like this."

"And how did you go on?" she asked carefully.

Fili sighed. "I had my children, and my brother, and my friends," he said, "and… I never stopped hoping."

"For what?"

"For something beyond this life. For… a heaven, or another life, or another chance. I don't know exactly what, but…"

"But…" Tauriel started, "do not dwarves wait in the Halls of Mahal after their death, and Men and Elves wait in the Halls of Mandos?"

"It is said," began Fili. "But then again, it has also been said by the ancient prophets that a battle will come, the Dagor Dagorath, the battle to end all battles. It will destroy Arda itself, and a time will come when it is the dwarves who will rebuild it. And how can we rebuild Arda when we are with our Maker in his halls?"

"You believe that… someday, the dead will be released?"

Fili smiled. "My dear, even Morgoth himself will be released someday at the Dagor Dagorath. Someday, all that is good will conquer all that is evil, and the peoples of Middle-Earth may all be blessed with eternal life, and live together in harmony."

Fili and Tauriel were quiet for a long time, in thoughts and dreams of the bleak-looking future, searching for shreds of hope that they could hold onto, desperately awaiting the day when all would be set right. Fili broke the silence by saying, "Soon, I too will go to my fathers. Tauriel, I would have you be with your people when that time comes. I wish not to bring you any more grief."

"You would have me leave you?" Tauriel looked shocked.

"It might make it easier-"

"Fili, you are my king, my friend, and my brother through marriage. I consider you as a blood brother, and while you yet draw breath, I will not leave you. Where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay. I will not leave you."

Fili looked up at her in surprise, and he smiled, saying, "I thought Kili was mad at first, but he certainly picked a good one."

Some months passed, and time went on, and Fili's eldest son continued his royal education as he prepared to succeed his father. Without his younger brother by his side, Fili weakened steadily. Tauriel was with him every day, hoping each day would not be the last. She felt as though she could not bear to lose Fili too. He had lived for over eight score years, though, which she knew was a great age for a dwarf. Still it seemed cruelly short to her, an Elf almost 800 years old, and still considered young to her people. Yes, Tauriel knew about death, and understood it, but to her it seemed utterly unnatural and unjust. Why should she be granted eternal life, simply because of who she was born to be? What good would it do her, to live forever but to be lonely?

Tauriel thought often about these sorts of things, and wondered if different races had not been intended to intermarry. Perhaps the Valar had not meant for this to happen. Tauriel wondered if she had done something wrong, falling in love with a dwarf. Perhaps her grief was her punishment, an eternity of sadness her payment for six score years of bliss. Still, she could not say that she would have done anything differently. The sadness, sharp and painful though it was, was somehow bittersweet: it marked the happiness she had once had. If she had had to choose between living with Kili and losing him, or never even meeting him at all, she would always choose Kili.


	3. Departing

**AN: Third chapter! Sorry for the delay! I've got 5 university courses and I just got a second job, so it was a bit crazy for awhile. **

One day she asked Fili, "Do you think I was _meant _to marry Kili? Was I supposed to meet him at all?"

She had thought he would be confused by her question, because she couldn't really put what she was thinking into words. But Fili only responded, "You did meet, and you did marry, and that is what happened."

"But…" she tried to sort out her confused thoughts. "What would the gods think? The Valar? Were the races created to be separate, and live separately?"

Fili sighed. "I cannot know what the Valar may think, and I may not know the mind of any god, but here is what I think. Love and grief are indivisible. That is certain, and a sad truth of our world. However, a memory of love is better than no love at all."

When midsummer had arrived and the sun was high and the ground was hot, Fili's strength was fading fast. In his last hours, Tauriel remained constantly by his side. He called her closer, breathing laboriously. "Tauriel."

"Yes, Fili?" Tauriel asked, eyes bright with tears.

"This is not the last goodbye," he said, smiling. With a sigh, he slipped out of life and into Mahal's keeping. Tauriel sucked in her breath sharply, trying not to cry. She stayed in the room for a long time, thinking about life and death and love, and then she departed with a heavy heart.

Her children were grown and capable: her son worked in the forges, her elder daughter was an embroiderer, and her younger daughter was a toymaker. She knew she could not tear them from their busy lives in Erebor. Yet she also felt compelled to return to Mirkwood, to Legolas, whom she had not seen for perhaps a hundred years, to her king, and her kin. Now that she was alone, she missed the forest more than ever. She longed for soft moss on her feet rather than hard stone, for light between the leaves instead of a faraway ceiling, for running rivers rather than ancient wells. Perhaps the nostalgia of her home would provide some slight comfort for the gaping hole in her life.

Tauriel gathered her children and told them she would be going away indefinitely. Her daughters wept and clung to her, and her son was noticeably trying not to cry, as was Tauriel herself. _Yet another goodbye,_ she thought, but she told them it was for the best.

"When will you be back, Mum?" her youngest daughter asked.

Tauriel could hardly bear it, looking into her young brown eyes that looked so much like Kili's. "I don't know, darling," she said gently, "but perhaps next summer?"

Relief was evident on her face. "Oh, that's not too bad then," she said. "I was worried you'd be gone for… a long time. Years, even, and I don't know how long…" Her voice trailed off.

Tauriel knew what her daughter was thinking. She and Kili had always worried about the uncertain lifespans of their children. Her youngest daughter was shorter and looked more like Kili, her son was tall and pale with Kili's dark hair and eyes, and her eldest daughter had inherited her red hair and some of her height as well. No one knew how long they would live, or if their respective lifespans would differ greatly, or at all. At this point in her life, Tauriel didn't want to think about those possibilities anymore.

She kissed her children, slung her pack over her shoulder, and waved goodbye.

Now that the hardest part was over, Tauriel bought a decent-looking horse in Dale, saddled up, and rode hard along the Anduin. The wind was strong enough to blow the tears out of her eyes. She hoped the wind could also blow her grief away and leave it behind.


	4. Wandering

**AN: Short chapter, but it's something, and I wanted to get it up. **

After a long and lonely journey, she finally reached the borders of her homeland. The captain of the guard (her successor) did a double-take and gasped, "Tauriel?"

"I have returned," she said with an attempt at a smile.

"How have you fared? We have not seen you for what seems like an age!" he exclaimed.

"It has been an age," Tauriel said bitterly, "and it has ended."

The captain took note of the grief etched onto her face and said simply, "Fare thee well, my lady."

"You as well," she said, passing the border and leaving them behind without a second glance, continuing on along the familiar road towards the halls of the Elvenking. As she rode she wondered who would remain. Would Mirkwood still ring with the clear, familiar voices of her kin? She thought of her old friend Legolas, and wondered if he had already departed for the Undying Lands. Even Erebor, protected by its great walls of stone, had not been left unscathed by the War of the Ring. She and Kili had been relatively isolated from the brunt of Sauron's forces, but Legolas had told her tales of battles and death and glory. She knew that in his heart of hearts, her childhood friend desired peace, and he would wish to seek that peace in Aman. Yet another goodbye that she did not want to have to say.

She reached the gates of the great Halls of Mirkwood; finding them unguarded. _Strange, _she thought. _Have they not enough guards left? Has everyone gone? _The gate creaked as she carefully pushed it open. She tiptoed further in, further up. She padded through the caves, through the dining halls, through the very throne room itself. The halls she had known as a child to be so full of light and laughter and eating and drinking were utterly silent. The atmosphere was eerie.

She sighed heavily and without thinking, started re-tracing the familiar passage to her old room.


	5. Pondering

**AN: I know where I'm going with this story, but the in-between bits are a bit difficult. Thank you for bearing with me and continuing to follow, favourite, and review! You guys are awesome! **

She found it empty, as she had known she would. The room was bare and stark; she had always lived a frugal home life because she spent a large portion of her earnings on state-of-the-art weaponry. All that was left was a dusty bed frame and a rough-hewn side table with a single drawer. Exhausted from her grief and a long journey, she sank down and sat on the hard wooden bedframe. She wasn't sure why, but something prompted her to open the drawer in her old side table. It creaked and slid open unwillingly. Inside was a book, just a simple little black book. It was old and very dusty, its yellow pages were crinkled, and it was obvious that this book had been well-loved. Tauriel gasped and grabbed the book, holding it tightly. This book was a relic of another time, another life. This was Tauriel's journal.

She gently cracked open the cover. The first page read, "January 1st, 2452 of the Third Age. As this is the first day of the New Year, and the first day of my 100th year of life, I will write in this journal a faithful and true account of my life, my thoughts, my feelings, hopes, and wishes." From there she had written a short description of herself, drawn a hasty self-portrait, and written down a list entitled "Things I Want To Do Before I Cross The Sea."

Tauriel paused and looked up from the journal. She had been so young, so naive, so ready to adventure and so in love with the world. What had she turned into?

"1," read the list, "Beat Legolas in a shooting competition."

She smiled. Beside the number was a check mark.

"2. Kill all the spiders in Mirkwood."

Not quite. Tauriel remembered the hatred she had borne for the spiders, which had now turned into a dull sort of acknowledgement of their presence. "There's no one here anymore," she whispered. "What's the point?"

"3. Become Captain of the Guard."

Another check mark.

"4. Marry for love."

There was an empty space beside number 4. Tauriel checked it off mentally.

The list went on and on, goals about battles, journeys, weapons, even some about clothing ("own mithril jewellry") and hair ("learn how to crown braid"). She had made cooking goals, sewing goals, aspirations about trying new foods and drinks, and aspirations about meeting new people. And her journal went on: daily accounts of orc raids, parties, conversations with Legolas, prisoners, spiders, tree-climbing… 500 years of history that she held in her hands.

This had been her life. But re-reading her journal made it feel like someone else's.

She turned to the last entry. "Today, Legolas and I caught some dwarves invading our territory," she had written. "We took them prisoner, of course. One of them had the astonishing impudence to make a colloquial remark about the contents of his trousers. Rather undwarflike he was (in looks, not in manners!). We talked about the stars for awhile, though, so I suppose he does have some redeeming qualities. He's at least the most interesting prisoner we've had for a long time!"

And then her eyes fell on the next page and her heart stopped. She'd had a knack and a habit of drawing in those days, and she had used it on this particular page to capture one of Kili's cheekiest grins. It wasn't a perfect likeness, but she had somehow managed to capture the young dwarf's reckless spirit and put it on paper.

Tears inadvertently sprung to her eyes. It had been so long since she had seen the young face that she had first fallen in love with.

She closed the book and hugged it close to her chest, trying hard to remember what it felt like to be held in Kili's arms. Then she tucked it into her satchel and departed with a heavy heart.


	6. Longing

**AN: Sorry it's been awhile since the last update! I was experiencing a bit of writer's block for this story. But it's going to work out okay :) I know how it's going to end, so all I need to do is get there! How hard can it be? **

Tauriel descended the stairs, thinking she'd just check down the lower passages to make sure no one was there before she left. She thought about the sentries she'd met on her way into Mirkwood. _There must be some elves left here, _she thought_,_ _otherwise there would be no border guards. _That thought gave her comfort, and she called out gently in Sindarin, "Hello?"

Her voice echoed against the cave walls. "Hello?" she repeated. "Is anyone there?"

She heard a sudden shout, and the blur of mixed voices talking excitedly. Her heart leapt, and she broke into a run down the hall. She rounded the corner and burst in through the door into a small room with several elves sitting and drinking around a table.

"Tauriel!" exclaimed a dark-haired elf at the end. "Tauriel, is it really you? Long has it been since you have visited your home!"

"Glorin!" she cried. "Why is it so empty here? Has everyone crossed the sea? How fares the Woodland Realm?"

"Too many questions!" he laughed, holding up a hand. "As you can see, not all of us have left the shores of Middle Earth, but many have gone. King Thranduil departed not long ago, and the realm is left in the capable hands of his son."

"Legolas," Tauriel breathed. "Where is he?"

A blond elf snorted. "Off roaming with some disgusting dwarrow," he scoffed. "Can you believe it? He calls that creature a friend!"

Glorin elbowed him in the side, but it was too late. "Shut your mouth, Caladon! This one married a dwarrow, don't you remember?"

"Oh right, and how well did that work out?" Caladon laughed.

Tauriel's eyes were bright with tears, but she spoke coldly. "Spare me your prejudice! Only tell me where Legolas is, so I may leave you at once!"

"He is visiting Gimli in the Glittering Caves," said Raniel, a quiet dark-haired elven maid. "The Caves are found beneath Helm's Deep, in Rohan."

"Bless you," Tauriel breathed, clasping her hands together. "I must leave at once."

"So soon?" Glorin asked. "You've only just arrived."

"Well, I wasn't exactly given a warm welcome," she said sharply, glaring at Caladon. "But thank you, Glorin, for your concern. Perhaps I will come back with Legolas. Until then, farewell!"

She swept out of the room and began to gather supplies for the journey. She'd be back on the open road with little rest, but she didn't care much. Legolas was all she had left, and she needed to find him before the sea-longing became unbearable. Already she was beginning to hear the gulls and the crash of foamy waves in her dreams.


	7. Sheltering

**AN: There was a bit of a delay in getting this chapter up, sorry about that! I've been working on my other two fics. But here you are! Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)**

Tauriel rode hard, following the sun by day and the stars by night. It was a longer journey than she had thought, and it was taking her further and further away from the sea. Everything in her longed to turn and run in the opposite direction, but she forced herself onward. Sailing alone to Valinor would do her no good; she had had enough of being alone.

One day, at long last, she came over a hill and spotted a great stone stronghold far away in the distance. "Helm's Deep," she whispered, spurring her horse on for the final stretch. Finally she would get to rest. Finally, she'd get to see her friend again.

And then a horrible thought occurred to her: what if he had already left? What if the dark-haired maid had been wrong? Or what if he had left for Mirkwood while she was travelling towards Helm's Deep and they had simply missed each other on the way? What would she do then?

She shook her head and rode on. She wouldn't think about that right now. Legolas simply had to be there.

Now she was at the gate. She paused briefly, and then knocked hard on the door three times. The silence was so long that the was beginning to think no one was coming, but finally a pleasant-looking dwarf slid back a piece of wood covering a peephole in the door, and peered up at her looking utterly confused.

"Who are you and what is your business here?" he said quite gruffly. He did not mean to be unkind, but he was rather unaccustomed to greeting elf-women at the gate of the Glittering Caves.

"I am seeking Legolas Thranduilion, who is here visiting Gimli, your lord," she stated clearly and calmly.

The dwarf frowned. "He's not here anymore."

Tauriel's breath caught in her throat. "I-I beg your pardon?"

"Gimli and his elf-friend left three days ago," said the dwarf. "I doubt you'll have much luck catching up to them now."

"Wh-where have they gone?" Tauriel cried, distraught.

"Not sure," he replied, looking pensive. "They often go out exploring together. Mahal knows where."

"When will they return?"

"Whenever they feel like it," was his not-very-helpful answer. He was about to cover the window and end the conversation, but Tauriel cried, "Wait! Please." He saw the crushed look on her face.

"What, more questions?" he said somewhat irritably.

"I have been riding hard for a fortnight," she pleaded, "and I have nowhere to rest. Please allow me to at least spend the night and replenish my supplies so I can return home safely to my children."

The dwarf sighed deeply and muttered a complaint against elves, but cautiously opened the door. "I suppose we have already sheltered one elf within these caves, and it cannot make too much difference to care for one more," he conceded. "Come in, and be quiet about it. I don't want to cause a fuss."

Tauriel thanked him profusely, but his only response was a loud "Shh!" She followed him inside gratefully.

"I will have them put your horse in the stables and feed him," he whispered. "Come with me." He led her down a narrow winding passage (the ceilings were built for dwarves, so Tauriel had to duck) and showed her to a small, sparsely furnished room. "This is the best I can give you," he said. "Stay out of sight. I'll come back and get you some food when I can."

Tauriel had no other choice than to stay in her room; she was certain that if she left, she would never be able to retrace her steps and find it again. She lay down on the hard little bed and fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, even though her bare legs stuck out over the edge.


End file.
